Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
