literally had 100 drinks last night.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
