You really coming over, don't trick.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
