so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I wish i was in the wii world.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
