I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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