It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
