I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
