just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
