she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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