Sacagawea was the original milf.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
