so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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