I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
that is very illegal...i love you.
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