After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
