Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize