i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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