He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
