On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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