Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
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