I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
