i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
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