I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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