My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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