I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
