so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Too much gin, very little bucket
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
