OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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