he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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