i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
