i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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