those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
