Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
