I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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