Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
