i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
