I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
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When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
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I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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