she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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