Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
