Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
