You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
