I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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