I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
