you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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