ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
