My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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