apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
