Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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