There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
