peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
