Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
