i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Randomize
