White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
