I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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