so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
