Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
