My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
