i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I would ride that face into the sunset
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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