Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
im drinking this country out of the recession.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
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