she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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