4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
If I die, sorry about rent.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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