You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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