the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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