Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
my liver is dry heaving
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
