Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
