White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
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also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
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We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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