I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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