I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
