hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
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