i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
you're hired as official boob wrangler
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
