I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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