dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
it's like iHOP with fire
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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