I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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