i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
