dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Drake has all the answers
Randomize
