Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize