My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
