I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
